Petting Zoo

Are you looking for a fun neighborhood activity? How about a (temporary) petting zoo? For a few hours on a fun afternoon, bring out any younger (non-biting) members of the animal family. Pets love the attention. Kids love petting the pets. Adults can share favorite recipes while having cocktails. Temporary petting zoos are also a great activity at retirement homes and prisons. If you don't have any pets for a petting zoo, call your local humane society.

Lump Of Coal

Is there a Baa Humbug type person on your shopping list? Are you looking for a few alternative ideas to giving someone a lump of coal? Here is a Top Twenty list of gift ideas to make someone scratch their head wondering if this gift is for real, or was it intended to say: Baa Humbug?

20. A live vole.

19. Smelling salts.

18. Hockey puck.

17. One automobile gas cap.

16. Dulcolax tablets.

15. Full can of lighter fluid.

14. Two-pack of super glues.

13. A hand mirror.

12. Small bag of Quikset concrete.

11. Roll of duct tape.

10. Map of Wyoming. [+]

9. Coarse sand paper.

8. Bottle of wart remover liquid.

7. Large jar of mayonnaise.

6. Roll of Canadian pennies.

5. Packet of 200 cable binders.

4. One fork.

3. Box of parakeet food. [+]

2. Gift card to a funeral home.

1. Half can of orange paint.

Smash Burger Fargo

Overpriced. Underwhelming.

Smashburger recently opened its doors in Fargo. We decided to check it out. On the way home, I stopped by to order two sandwiches and two sides "to go". They don't have a drive-up window so you do need to park and go in to order...from their order taker. Let's call him Raymond. My first impression of the place was from Raymond - not good. (Wouldn't you want to put someone with some personality and professionalism on your front line?) He was looking down and yawning more than listening and communicating. I started trying to order but wasn't sure if he was paying attention. In the meantime, there must have been two dozen employees all moving around but none of them were doing anything. My order was supposed to be one classic smashburger without onions and an order of smashfries, plus one classic crispy chicken sandwich without onions with an order of veggie frites: to go. With tax, the order came to $17.08, which did not include any drinks. I was thinking that in order to overcome my bad first impressions of the place, some incredible food would be the only possible redemption. At home, a few minutes later, we opened our to-go containers to find: 1. sandwiches that showed little evidence of any recent heat (even tho the to-go bag was next to the floor heater for the two-minute drive home) and 2. side orders of jokingly small proportion. The classic smashburger ($4.99) and crispy classic chicken ($5.99) both had onions, even tho "no onions" was written on the side of the to-go container. The veggie frites ($2.99) yielded about eight small pieces of flash-fried asparagus and eight small pieces of flash-fried carrots (and no green beans as is mentioned on the menu). Bottom line: If you are in Fargo looking for a bite to eat, take your business to Culver's where the same meal would have been $5 less and twice as good, or McDonald's where you would have spent half as much and gotten twice as much food. We came away from our Smashburger experience with average food, small portions, high prices, and poor service. Any questions?

State Of Emergency

Mud Slide Slim and the Blue Horizon

California should adopt a new state slogan to help attract more tourism. California: The State Of Emergency. For thrill-seekers looking for some major excitement, California seems to be stuck in a cycle of emergencies: fires, earthquakes, floods, mudslides, budget crisis, and mystery missiles. By advertising itself as The State Of Emergency, California could help its economy by 1. bringing in legal tourists, and 2. legalizing its main export crop.

TransGolf

The Ladies Professional Golf Association recently changed its rules to no longer require members to be "female at birth". This birther movement was spear-headed by Ms. Lana Lawless, a former policeman. Since she can now play on the LPGA as a transexual, Lana can make use of her long driving ability. I submit that a better idea would be to have a separate TGA: Transgender Golf Association. It is here that transexuals from all around the globe could compete in one special league, combining men-to-women and women-to-men into one very unique golf association.

Rhyme With Orange

Tis quite easy to rhyme with apple:

Snapple, chapel and also grapple.

But who could ever rhyme with Or'ange?

Let's go ask Mr. Julian Ass'ange.

Pop The Bublé

I knew it was going to be a good day

When I bumped into Michael Steven Bublé

After he knocked off my toupeé

We talked at the Bombay Café

During a healthy game of croquét

We were pecked by a large blue jay

Since this was clearly foul play

T'was time for all-you-can-eat buffét

My favorite was of course the soufflé.

Recycled Rocks

Recycled Rocks

During a recent drive-about, I saw a sign next to a proud pile of rocks. The sign said: "Recycled Rocks". As opposed to what kind of rocks? Non-recycled rocks? New Rocks? That got me started on a think-about. Wouldn't all the rocks we have today be from the Stone Age? Has someone been making post-Paleolithic rocks? As I recall from my college Rock-n-Roll 101 class, it goes: Stone Age, Bronze Age, and Iron Age, which are all followed by the Age of McDonalds, the Age of Walmart, and the Rise and Fall of Tiger Woods. I probably just answered my own question. Of course, it must be Walmart that is now producing and selling new rocks, at prices that we have not seen since the Stone Age.

Quoting Whitman

A conversation with Walt Whitman (1819-1892)

BlogSpot: How do you feel about having an image of yourself on a postage stamp?

Walt Whitman: If you done it, it ain't bragging.

BS: Many consider you one of America's great poets and some call you the Father Of Free Verse. Your thoughts on this, sir?

WW: To have great poets, there must be great audiences.

BS: Your bio indicates you were also a journalist, a teacher, a government clerk, and a volunteer nurse during the Civil War. You seem to have a real connection with the common folk.

WW: I dance with the dancers and drink with the drinkers.

BS: You have obviously written a lot. Do you also like to spend time reading?

WW: A morning-glory at my window satisfies me more than the metaphysics of books.

BS: Any thoughts on the current state of world affairs?

WW: Judging from the main portions of the history of the world, so far, justice is always in jeopardy.

BS: What do you think the future holds?

WW: The future is no more uncertain than the present.

BS: How do you deal with life on a daily basis?

WW: To me, every hour of the day and night is an unspeakably perfect miracle.

BS: What lessons have you learned?

WW: I have learned that to be with those I like is enough.

BS: What advice would you care to share with our readers?

WW: Be curious, not judgmental. Keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you.

Magic Bus

Finding a good bus driver can be as important as finding a good musician. ~Reba McEntire

Brunch For Two

An Add-On Poem by Kit & Johnnny

Title: Brunch For Two

Date Written: November 19, 2010

(Line 1: Johnnny, Line 2: Kit, etc.)

Copyright © 2010. All rights reserved.

Brunch For Two

Absolutely perplexed when you

Presented the group your killebrew

Gestational madness flowing thru the room

I felt like a bride just meeting her groom

Even now as we speak forth our minds

Cocooned in our blanket that warms as it binds

Prism rainbows shine through the blinds

I'll follow this path wherever it winds

Brunch for two and coffee to swallow

Caffeine and eggs, with sunset to follow

Preachin on Sunday, teachin on Monday

Everyone waits for the magical "one day"

Every so often is never enough

Besides real love, the rest is just fluff.

An Add-On Poem by Kit & Johnnny
Title: Brunch For Two

Date Written: November 19, 2010
(Line 1: Johnnny, Line 2: Kit, etc.)
Copyright © 2010. All rights reserved.

Fly The Fiendish Skies

Transportation Security Administration At Your Service:

If you don't want to be X-ray scanned or undergo a "thorough" manual search, you may want to rethink flying the friendly skies for the Holidaze. The TSA is warning passengers who enter a checkpoint, and then refuse to undergo inspection, won't be allowed to fly, and also will not be permitted to simply leave the airport. Those folks will be detained on the premises to be questioned by the TSA and local law enforcement. Anyone refusing to cooperate is looking at fines up to $11,000 and possible arrest. Would you like some peanuts and perhaps a blanket?

Fish Eyes

There seems to be an expanding expansion of buildings that span their space with curved lines. To better compliment the humans that dwell in them, buildings are becoming more organic. By curving or softening the edges, a box becomes more humanoid. Unfortunately, this example of curvaceousness was not caused by the architect, but rather by a fisheye lens.

Butterfly Flutter By

This was one of our fluttering friends during this past summer. T'was a great summer for flowers, bees, gardens, and butterflies. This dude (whom we named Thorax) liked our backyard blend of blossoms. Here he's pictured sitting upon his favorite pincushion. The verbena were also a very popular spot. Then one day, they all just up and left town. I wonder where Thor is now. If you happen to see him, greet him from us.

Firepost

To poke a wood fire is more solid enjoyment than almost anything else in the world. ~Charles Dudley Warner.

The most tangible of all visible mysteries - fire. ~Leigh Hunt.

A spark neglected makes a mighty fire. ~Robert Herrick.

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what really throws you into a panic. ~Jack Handey.

Playing with fire is bad for those who burn themselves. For the rest of us, it is a very great pleasure. ~Author Unknown.