Thursday, December 30, 2010
Are you looking for a fun neighborhood activity? How about a (temporary) petting zoo? For a few hours on a fun afternoon, bring out any younger (non-biting) members of the animal family. Pets love the attention. Kids love petting the pets. Adults can share favorite recipes while having cocktails. Temporary petting zoos are also a great activity at retirement homes and prisons. If you don't have any pets for a petting zoo, call your local humane society.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Is there a Baa Humbug type person on your shopping list? Are you looking for a few alternative ideas to giving someone a lump of coal? Here is a Top Twenty list of gift ideas to make someone scratch their head wondering if this gift is for real, or was it intended to say: Baa Humbug?
20. A live vole.
19. Smelling salts.
18. Hockey puck.
17. One automobile gas cap.
16. Dulcolax tablets.
15. Full can of lighter fluid.
14. Two-pack of super glues.
13. A hand mirror.
12. Small bag of Quikset concrete.
11. Roll of duct tape.
10. Map of Wyoming. [+]
9. Coarse sand paper.
8. Bottle of wart remover liquid.
7. Large jar of mayonnaise.
6. Roll of Canadian pennies.
5. Packet of 200 cable binders.
4. One fork.
3. Box of parakeet food. [+]
2. Gift card to a funeral home.
1. Half can of orange paint.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
|Mud Slide Slim and the Blue Horizon|
California should adopt a new state slogan to help attract more tourism. California: The State Of Emergency. For thrill-seekers looking for some major excitement, California seems to be stuck in a cycle of emergencies: fires, earthquakes, floods, mudslides, budget crisis, and mystery missiles. By advertising itself as The State Of Emergency, California could help its economy by 1. bringing in legal tourists, and 2. legalizing its main export crop.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
The Ladies Professional Golf Association recently changed its rules to no longer require members to be "female at birth". This birther movement was spear-headed by Ms. Lana Lawless, a former policeman. Since she can now play on the LPGA as a transexual, Lana can make use of her long driving ability. I submit that a better idea would be to have a separate TGA: Transgender Golf Association. It is here that transexuals from all around the globe could compete in one special league, combining men-to-women and women-to-men into one very unique golf association.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
I knew it was going to be a good day
When I bumped into Michael Steven Bublé
After he knocked off my toupeé
We talked at the Bombay Café
During a healthy game of croquét
We were pecked by a large blue jay
Since this was clearly foul play
T'was time for all-you-can-eat buffét
My favorite was of course the soufflé.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
During a recent drive-about, I saw a sign next to a proud pile of rocks. The sign said: "Recycled Rocks". As opposed to what kind of rocks? Non-recycled rocks? New Rocks? That got me started on a think-about. Wouldn't all the rocks we have today be from the Stone Age? Has someone been making post-Paleolithic rocks? As I recall from my college Rock-n-Roll 101 class, it goes: Stone Age, Bronze Age, and Iron Age, which are all followed by the Age of McDonalds, the Age of Walmart, and the Rise and Fall of Tiger Woods. I probably just answered my own question. Of course, it must be Walmart that is now producing and selling new rocks, at prices that we have not seen since the Stone Age.